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  • Deirdre Brandner

Why nagging doesn’t work


1) No one likes to feel controlled

Being nagged feels like you’re being manipulated


2) Pressuring someone can lead to defiance

When you keep saying the same things over and over again it sends a message that you don’t believe they can complete the task.


3) Children tune out to nagging

It trains children to tune us out because they assume we are going to either continuously say the same thing or say something negative.


4) Nagging leads to resistance

It is human instinct to dig your heels in when you feel someone is constantly pressuring you


5) Nagging causes resentment

Resentment can easily tear down relationships. So keep this in mind the next time you feel the urge to nag your child.


6) We often go from pleading to threatening without getting any change

Instead state the rules clearly and give consequences. This actually gives your child some control, because in effect, you’re saying, “It’s up to you”


What does work:

  • Involve children in solving the problem

  • Look for alternative ways to get things done

  • Try and understand the issue from their perspective

  • Pay attention to what is triggering you to nag


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© 2019 Deirdre Brandner Psychologist